Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
