Texts From Last Night

cnev's Favorites Texts:

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  (909): View more from California

  It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me

  (626): View more from California

  And a merry methadone to all

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  (909): It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me (626): And a merry methadone to all http://tfl.nu/a55x
  Replies (2) Good night (893) Bad night (420)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.

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  (513): Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude. http://tfl.nu/aac3
  Replies (6) Good night (2256) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK

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  (401): I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK http://tfl.nu/01hq
  Replies (2) Good night (871) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.

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  (864): her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality. http://tfl.nu/j8og
  Replies (11) Good night (1521) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  Are you high?

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  (701): I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea. (1-701): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/ioya
  Replies (6) Good night (1242) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.

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  (910): Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times. http://tfl.nu/h23j
  Replies (10) Good night (3267) Bad night (466)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.

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  (978): Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you. http://tfl.nu/qush
  Replies (4) Good night (951) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.

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  (847): I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never. http://tfl.nu/n83d
  Replies (14) Good night (1645) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.

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  (704): Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox. http://tfl.nu/wyx0
  Replies (18) Good night (1215) Bad night (3495) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..

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  (708): He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam.. http://tfl.nu/opqs
  Replies (30) Good night (3256) Bad night (2075) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children

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  (248): The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children http://tfl.nu/7xpu
  Replies (6) Good night (4232) Bad night (661)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  FUCK YOU MAN

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  (717): Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in? (1-717): FUCK YOU MAN http://tfl.nu/h049
  Replies (3) Good night (1516) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

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  (860): I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out http://tfl.nu/wth6
  Replies (4) Good night (771) Bad night (5296) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice

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  (512): Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice http://tfl.nu/6dv2
  Replies (8) Good night (2941) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  or abortion recommendation cards.

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  (405): do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards? (405): or abortion recommendation cards. http://tfl.nu/knt8
  Replies (17) Good night (1088) Bad night (3173)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  did you find a tooth?

  (254): View more from Texas

  did you lose one?

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  (512): did you find a tooth? (254): did you lose one? http://tfl.nu/1ieh
  Replies (16) Good night (3432) Bad night (1203)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13085) Bad night (1850) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.

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  (402): Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house. http://tfl.nu/lo56
  Replies (8) Good night (1886) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

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  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (9126) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51671) Bad night (2293)
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  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

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  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (13983) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat

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  (561): if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat http://tfl.nu/bqtg
  Replies (40) Good night (5484) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...

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  (425): So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod... http://tfl.nu/hp9q
  Replies (65) Good night (7367) Bad night (1220)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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  (917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy
  Replies (261) Good night (20377) Bad night (1982) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?

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  (703): is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon? http://tfl.nu/fld0
  Replies (66) Good night (7080) Bad night (1559) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

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  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11928) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72216) Bad night (2146) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.

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  (720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive. http://tfl.nu/qvhh
  Replies (94) Good night (7837) Bad night (1532) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.

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  (202): Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke. http://tfl.nu/as75
  Replies (8) Good night (941) Bad night (4366) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (7213) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

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  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (7019) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  no one should ever give us hovercrafts

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  (847): no one should ever give us hovercrafts http://tfl.nu/uqn3
  Replies (25) Good night (4390) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!

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  (605): Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?! http://tfl.nu/u19h
  Replies (13) Good night (4095) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.

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  (972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that. http://tfl.nu/304s
  Replies (89) Good night (13770) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.

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  (401): I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy. http://tfl.nu/4ar4
  Replies (38) Good night (5770) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Stop trying to talk to my friends!!

  (1-845): View more from New York

  then get some ugly ones...

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  (845): Stop trying to talk to my friends!! (1-845): then get some ugly ones... http://tfl.nu/5xvc
  Replies (18) Good night (6079) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

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  (208): I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe. http://tfl.nu/02tv
  Replies (19) Good night (3856) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  GO. BACK. NOW.

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  (513): I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash (1-513): GO. BACK. NOW. http://tfl.nu/zc24
  Replies (42) Good night (6461) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
  Replies (70) Good night (39372) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

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  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (43690) Bad night (1479)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54096) Bad night (4435) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26938) Bad night (4311) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51785) Bad night (5726)
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  (707): View more from California

  he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting

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  (707): he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting http://tfl.nu/k7m6
  Replies (78) Good night (9469) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

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  (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf
  Replies (48) Good night (8243) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt