at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
