Texts From Last Night

caroline27597's Favorites Texts:

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"

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  (804): ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty" http://tfl.nu/zpfk
  Replies (9) Good night (798) Bad night (4112) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.

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  (972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that. http://tfl.nu/304s
  Replies (89) Good night (13342) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

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  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (49) Good night (10687) Bad night (2185) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

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  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (19) Good night (6248) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."

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  (412): Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes." http://tfl.nu/8fia
  Replies (14) Good night (863) Bad night (5066) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You can't be serious.

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  (417): You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right? (573): You can't be serious. http://tfl.nu/cmch
  Replies (58) Good night (2984) Bad night (464)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7042) Bad night (452)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

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  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (2727) Bad night (542)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

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  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10268) Bad night (1048)
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  (925): View more from California

  is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her

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  (925): is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her http://tfl.nu/rdgr
  Replies (24) Good night (8593) Bad night (413)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

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  (970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r
  Replies (12) Good night (8140) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.

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  (610): A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex. http://tfl.nu/u4lo
  Replies (29) Good night (5742) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...

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  (843): Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks.... (843): I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one... http://tfl.nu/xuml
  Replies (12) Good night (3709) Bad night (576)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS

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  (647): I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS http://tfl.nu/1k5d
  Replies (34) Good night (7741) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them

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  (419): this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them http://tfl.nu/j2wl
  Replies (22) Good night (1073) Bad night (2798) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

  (561): View more from Florida

  But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

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  (561): Bad news is he broke up with me via text message (561): But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville http://tfl.nu/1qx8
  Replies (28) Good night (6621) Bad night (1035)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.

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  (623): Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth. http://tfl.nu/v51o
  Replies (17) Good night (771) Bad night (2920) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.

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  (603): He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was. http://tfl.nu/3v3c
  Replies (17) Good night (1186) Bad night (3322) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".

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  (210): This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic". http://tfl.nu/3wpo
  Replies (9) Good night (758) Bad night (3096) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.

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  (734): Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half. http://tfl.nu/b8ev
  Replies (29) Good night (4197) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."

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  (201): At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure." http://tfl.nu/vpnd
  Replies (42) Good night (5686) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

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  (405): Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me http://tfl.nu/44om
  Replies (19) Good night (4871) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.

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  (913): Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor. http://tfl.nu/qg7g
  Replies (35) Good night (4732) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

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  (325): I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well. http://tfl.nu/zrfa
  Replies (19) Good night (6535) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

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  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15979) Bad night (801)
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  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

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  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (143) Good night (5998) Bad night (67489)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41855) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49125) Bad night (2153) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96136) Bad night (5008)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165233) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.

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  (850): You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line. http://tfl.nu/m4ec
  Replies (16) Good night (978) Bad night (4288)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized

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  (541): does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized http://tfl.nu/g99b
  Replies (12) Good night (3542) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and the officer said have you been drinking

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and i said NOO SIR.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and he said, I am a woman.

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  (864): and the officer said have you been drinking (864): and i said NOO SIR. (864): and he said, I am a woman. http://tfl.nu/8g3i
  Replies (19) Good night (1603) Bad night (6534)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.

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  (318): That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior. http://tfl.nu/48ho
  Replies (17) Good night (4758) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober

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  (403): i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober http://tfl.nu/y1xh
  Replies (28) Good night (879) Bad night (3641) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.

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  (248): I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/icyg
  Replies (11) Good night (1038) Bad night (2332) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.

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  (+61): She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom. http://tfl.nu/ltjp
  Replies (43) Good night (1031) Bad night (9388) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

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  (803): Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation? http://tfl.nu/0dba
  Replies (15) Good night (4627) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt