Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic