yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
