Texts From Last Night

currkris's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel." http://tfl.nu/elen
  Replies (61) Good night (4266) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (+77): View more from

  her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+77): her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like' http://tfl.nu/jkuk
  Replies (22) Good night (6577) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn. http://tfl.nu/vfme
  Replies (18) Good night (371) Bad night (3348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet. http://tfl.nu/nuvu
  Replies (55) Good night (763) Bad night (3486)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is http://tfl.nu/bwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (8932) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore" http://tfl.nu/cs3y
  Replies (16) Good night (4684) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (18) Good night (3907) Bad night (2234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow... http://tfl.nu/48nf
  Replies (5) Good night (473) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn
  Replies (49) Good night (890) Bad night (5238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them http://tfl.nu/vc7z
  Replies (43) Good night (3454) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr
  Replies (22) Good night (1129) Bad night (4735)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Whatcha textin bout Willis?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Whatcha textin bout Willis? http://tfl.nu/s0y0
  Replies (29) Good night (3344) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Little spoons don't ask big questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Little spoons don't ask big questions http://tfl.nu/13tl
  Replies (18) Good night (4046) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me
  Replies (16) Good night (2771) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  pretty standard. you have fun last night?

  (512): View more from Texas

  apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long? (1-512): pretty standard. you have fun last night? (512): apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean? (1-512): typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat. http://tfl.nu/ntbz
  Replies (8) Good night (1225) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain. http://tfl.nu/eu7i
  Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (079): View more from

  I think we need to take a brake

  (078): View more from

  What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (079): I think we need to take a brake (078): What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake' http://tfl.nu/ju32
  Replies (18) Good night (522) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever http://tfl.nu/z6zx
  Replies (18) Good night (5864) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do ugly people know they are ugly?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  The quiet ones do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Do ugly people know they are ugly? (1-202): The quiet ones do. http://tfl.nu/129a
  Replies (25) Good night (1797) Bad night (2031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/1xbr
  Replies (17) Good night (2791) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie http://tfl.nu/n8tx
  Replies (20) Good night (6103) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (30703) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show http://tfl.nu/p27u
  Replies (23) Good night (3683) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events. http://tfl.nu/5em3
  Replies (16) Good night (1775) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg
  Replies (8) Good night (5127) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class http://tfl.nu/9lx5
  Replies (67) Good night (717) Bad night (4658)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores http://tfl.nu/a1sm
  Replies (12) Good night (3413) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again. http://tfl.nu/b9n0
  Replies (24) Good night (3850) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway. http://tfl.nu/j8p7
  Replies (28) Good night (1069) Bad night (9307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7793) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12208) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44047) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches. http://tfl.nu/uy09
  Replies (29) Good night (9429) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (29) Good night (11769) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (15811) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24103) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light. http://tfl.nu/psre
  Replies (19) Good night (3559) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house" http://tfl.nu/wkle
  Replies (13) Good night (991) Bad night (8219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream. http://tfl.nu/u0h5
  Replies (52) Good night (4387) Bad night (2566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7372) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Good. You are like the clit whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Good. You are like the clit whisperer. http://tfl.nu/ycvo
  Replies (26) Good night (6391) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked. http://tfl.nu/8nhm
  Replies (45) Good night (5204) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8475) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it. http://tfl.nu/pgco
  Replies (13) Good night (6460) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt