i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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