Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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