Texts From Last Night

BlOnDie9009's Favorites Texts:

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  (940): View more from Texas

  Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.

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  (940): Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses. http://tfl.nu/a1yl
  Replies (11) Good night (3527) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.

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  (810): I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here. http://tfl.nu/wy8z
  Replies (10) Good night (3584) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.

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  (406): As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins. http://tfl.nu/zjez
  Replies (21) Good night (5273) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.

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  (787): He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him. http://tfl.nu/klex
  Replies (21) Good night (4472) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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  (831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9
  Replies (20) Good night (6307) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.

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  (610): I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead. http://tfl.nu/hl2l
  Replies (10) Good night (2665) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.

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  (317): Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom. http://tfl.nu/x6uc
  Replies (17) Good night (3546) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?

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  (252): she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her? http://tfl.nu/iav7
  Replies (14) Good night (5047) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.

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  (217): I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos. http://tfl.nu/dg53
  Replies (10) Good night (3142) Bad night (1229) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  how do you feel about lunch break shots ?

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  (204): how do you feel about lunch break shots ? http://tfl.nu/05qu
  Replies (8) Good night (3080) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.

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  (541): It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home. http://tfl.nu/scuu
  Replies (13) Good night (3984) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"

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  (315): mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!" http://tfl.nu/d3gl
  Replies (22) Good night (5014) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.

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  (972): I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip. http://tfl.nu/tlq7
  Replies (12) Good night (1815) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
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  (361): View more from Texas

  As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

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  (361): As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you. http://tfl.nu/u1yg
  Replies (12) Good night (6844) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.

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  (240): When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again. http://tfl.nu/1y07
  Replies (24) Good night (7109) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?

  (607): View more from New York

  Nevermind, it's in the dryer.

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  (607): Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head? (607): Nevermind, it's in the dryer. http://tfl.nu/r8jx
  Replies (6) Good night (3318) Bad night (792)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  wtf. i just found you're porn stash.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  u like it?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  NOT THE POINT.

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  (937): wtf. i just found you're porn stash. (1-937): u like it? (937): NOT THE POINT. http://tfl.nu/6tyf
  Replies (40) Good night (4194) Bad night (620)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

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  (937): how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on? http://tfl.nu/yug9
  Replies (16) Good night (4808) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...

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  (774): Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face... http://tfl.nu/rmtg
  Replies (12) Good night (2739) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.

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  (541): Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night. http://tfl.nu/209g
  Replies (3) Good night (1815) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.

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  (805): We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits. http://tfl.nu/3ys3
  Replies (17) Good night (963) Bad night (2478) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

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  (215): we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me. http://tfl.nu/nfi8
  Replies (8) Good night (4997) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning

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  (908): I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning http://tfl.nu/qz06
  Replies (5) Good night (3204) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.

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  (206): Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio. http://tfl.nu/95rn
  Replies (30) Good night (6799) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you

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  (519): I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you http://tfl.nu/mvu5
  Replies (6) Good night (2854) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?

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  (732): wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns? http://tfl.nu/gvvk
  Replies (51) Good night (3072) Bad night (1340) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

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  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6489) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Did everyone make it back alive?

  (309): View more from Illinois

  You say that with such hope.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Is that a no?

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  (217): Did everyone make it back alive? (309): You say that with such hope. (217): Is that a no? http://tfl.nu/rkmk
  Replies (3) Good night (3127) Bad night (789)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.

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  (+44): It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done. http://tfl.nu/song
  Replies (12) Good night (4228) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america

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  (631): Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america http://tfl.nu/n1lq
  Replies (27) Good night (8161) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

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  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9535) Bad night (1005)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

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  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9705) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.

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  (540): She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic. http://tfl.nu/cwdw
  Replies (10) Good night (3519) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.

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  (843): I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/n87w
  Replies (5) Good night (3518) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.

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  (505): My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help. http://tfl.nu/hde2
  Replies (18) Good night (3297) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

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  (305): quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you http://tfl.nu/hg35
  Replies (9) Good night (5119) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?

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  (954): Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart? http://tfl.nu/oywi
  Replies (8) Good night (3639) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

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  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (5011) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

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  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
  Replies (24) Good night (4865) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.

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  (301): Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard. http://tfl.nu/kick
  Replies (9) Good night (4059) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

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  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4643) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

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  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
  Replies (19) Good night (6725) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

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  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7936) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.

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  (937): I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens. http://tfl.nu/zmnj
  Replies (18) Good night (6572) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

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  (937): Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate http://tfl.nu/e0yr
  Replies (22) Good night (7541) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

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  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (48) Good night (8482) Bad night (1002)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today

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  (847): The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today http://tfl.nu/8pjx
  Replies (7) Good night (2647) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.

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  (954): Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/zg18
  Replies (25) Good night (4771) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73544) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142364) Bad night (9364) Order T-Shirt