He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.