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i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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