I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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