Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it