You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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