Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.