Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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