The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.