Texts From Last Night

Nero905's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59119) Bad night (7124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173044) Bad night (6898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window." http://tfl.nu/43ug
  Replies (10) Good night (1811) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  ...

  (281): View more from Texas

  Exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick... (832): ... (281): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/w9ox
  Replies (9) Good night (576) Bad night (1468)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition? http://tfl.nu/nsp8
  Replies (8) Good night (5711) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (9685) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

  (409): View more from Texas

  That was definitely the right answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her. (409): That was definitely the right answer. http://tfl.nu/zisl
  Replies (19) Good night (6615) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
  Replies (9) Good night (5717) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't. http://tfl.nu/ol3k
  Replies (11) Good night (7174) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese. http://tfl.nu/xs1m
  Replies (7) Good night (3353) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8697) Bad night (1015)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunday is the day of rest.

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Sunday is the day of rest. (857): As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest. http://tfl.nu/lma5
  Replies (3) Good night (1876) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!" http://tfl.nu/0i27
  Replies (6) Good night (2440) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (22) Good night (14673) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (450): View more from Quebec

  She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (450): She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do... http://tfl.nu/okgn
  Replies (10) Good night (3242) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire http://tfl.nu/lsgu
  Replies (7) Good night (2054) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27833) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups. http://tfl.nu/od5l
  Replies (12) Good night (2094) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem http://tfl.nu/ll71
  Replies (6) Good night (3038) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick http://tfl.nu/kpxh
  Replies (18) Good night (2919) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112216) Bad night (9728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142151) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me. http://tfl.nu/w1nr
  Replies (18) Good night (5763) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him http://tfl.nu/5c6r
  Replies (144) Good night (17390) Bad night (2722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  all he gave me for my birthday was sperm

  (254): View more from Texas

  at least its a homemade gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): all he gave me for my birthday was sperm (254): at least its a homemade gift http://tfl.nu/gvzk
  Replies (16) Good night (5598) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date? http://tfl.nu/49q5
  Replies (13) Good night (2358) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle" http://tfl.nu/r7nr
  Replies (6) Good night (3601) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  What's the address?

  (626): View more from California

  Too drunk. Just google it.

  (310): View more from California

  IT'S YOUR HOUSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): What's the address? (626): Too drunk. Just google it. (310): IT'S YOUR HOUSE http://tfl.nu/ymw0
  Replies (5) Good night (2944) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  I can pencil you in at 3:30

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk. (1-520): I can pencil you in at 3:30 http://tfl.nu/ztyv
  Replies (8) Good night (2851) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback. http://tfl.nu/m8zb
  Replies (18) Good night (3595) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink. http://tfl.nu/412l
  Replies (5) Good night (1852) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over

  (1+44): View more from

  Wet with either fear or sexual excitement

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think a mixture of both is appropriate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over (1+44): Wet with either fear or sexual excitement (+44): I think a mixture of both is appropriate http://tfl.nu/euq8
  Replies (3) Good night (1519) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar http://tfl.nu/83wg
  Replies (10) Good night (2884) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/j2g5
  Replies (21) Good night (4138) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  This girl is more easily done than said...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): This girl is more easily done than said... http://tfl.nu/38ha
  Replies (5) Good night (3173) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me http://tfl.nu/mnmv
  Replies (5) Good night (2451) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing. http://tfl.nu/qwo3
  Replies (15) Good night (1991) Bad night (4130) Order T-Shirt