how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you win again, gameday.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
