Texts From Last Night

thosim's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.

  (1-903): View more from Texas

  Dude I've been in FL since Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night. (1-903): Dude I've been in FL since Monday. http://tfl.nu/crr9
  Replies (3) Good night (1954) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on. http://tfl.nu/u2o1
  Replies (13) Good night (1736) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill? http://tfl.nu/quyz
  Replies (11) Good night (1452) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles http://tfl.nu/20ya
  Replies (3) Good night (1409) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Who the fuck is this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake (1-561): Who the fuck is this http://tfl.nu/nqou
  Replies (13) Good night (4538) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood http://tfl.nu/n403
  Replies (20) Good night (3743) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20512) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka http://tfl.nu/i4zm
  Replies (6) Good night (7849) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you texted me "dude im face"

  (301): View more from Maryland

  it sounded so right at the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): you texted me "dude im face" (301): it sounded so right at the time http://tfl.nu/8042
  Replies (7) Good night (1385) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed.. http://tfl.nu/orkv
  Replies (3) Good night (3887) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own? http://tfl.nu/mi3t
  Replies (8) Good night (1805) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/1rw7
  Replies (5) Good night (1155) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests. http://tfl.nu/eem8
  Replies (20) Good night (1865) Bad night (4868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8470) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut. http://tfl.nu/hcrb
  Replies (21) Good night (6314) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Her only article of clothing is an American Flag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Her only article of clothing is an American Flag http://tfl.nu/tlj8
  Replies (5) Good night (1766) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night http://tfl.nu/dx83
  Replies (27) Good night (4877) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street. http://tfl.nu/q2es
  Replies (3) Good night (2730) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging. http://tfl.nu/m3cv
  Replies (7) Good night (1430) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time. http://tfl.nu/ap64
  Replies (4) Good night (554) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg? http://tfl.nu/atqw
  Replies (5) Good night (755) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself. http://tfl.nu/tn32
  Replies (17) Good night (4100) Bad night (1876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza http://tfl.nu/2a0o
  Replies (13) Good night (4688) Bad night (2004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS http://tfl.nu/75f7
  Replies (16) Good night (566) Bad night (2343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery. http://tfl.nu/1z8w
  Replies (2) Good night (1738) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed http://tfl.nu/xlf6
  Replies (8) Good night (3665) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (23) Good night (7447) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place http://tfl.nu/xlhx
  Replies (58) Good night (15807) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4
  Replies (10) Good night (6698) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer. http://tfl.nu/iriu
  Replies (10) Good night (2166) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me. http://tfl.nu/t0zt
  Replies (4) Good night (2324) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane. http://tfl.nu/dlou
  Replies (20) Good night (3618) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo. http://tfl.nu/ouwj
  Replies (25) Good night (4080) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (3821) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  do we own a ladder

  (206): View more from Washington

  We do not.

  (360): View more from Washington

  then how am i on the roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): do we own a ladder (206): We do not. (360): then how am i on the roof http://tfl.nu/xqbq
  Replies (18) Good night (5440) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2. http://tfl.nu/9o14
  Replies (140) Good night (741) Bad night (5786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (17136) Bad night (1908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water. http://tfl.nu/94yr
  Replies (8) Good night (4944) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5285) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Keeping it classy as usual I see

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back. (904): Keeping it classy as usual I see http://tfl.nu/9n6z
  Replies (3) Good night (1362) Bad night (516)