Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
