Texts From Last Night

openmindedchick's Favorites Texts:

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.

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  (215): Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you. http://tfl.nu/su7n
  Replies (11) Good night (2754) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.

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  (843): I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job. http://tfl.nu/6er2
  Replies (1) Good night (891) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?

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  (614): Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me? http://tfl.nu/bgzy
  Replies (9) Good night (438) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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  (215): So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand . http://tfl.nu/gg9e
  Replies (22) Good night (949) Bad night (2634)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.

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  (208): If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that. http://tfl.nu/eu5z
  Replies (5) Good night (1721) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"

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  (613): She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!" http://tfl.nu/0i27
  Replies (6) Good night (2437) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina

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  (603): I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina http://tfl.nu/bksp
  Replies (7) Good night (2213) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.

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  (850): I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend. http://tfl.nu/659e
  Replies (12) Good night (2197) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Marco

  (954): View more from Florida

  Polo

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  (954): These days, you and me are swimming in dicks. (1-954): Marco (954): Polo http://tfl.nu/zk92
  Replies (6) Good night (2396) Bad night (403)
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  (805): View more from California

  OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.

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  (805): OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine. http://tfl.nu/qt1j
  Replies (12) Good night (2429) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

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  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
  Replies (16) Good night (4701) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.

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  (661): Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head. http://tfl.nu/dct5
  Replies (12) Good night (3137) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.

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  (612): I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms. http://tfl.nu/079r
  Replies (31) Good night (2751) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.

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  (717): Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend. http://tfl.nu/7j2q
  Replies (10) Good night (1229) Bad night (580)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.

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  (928): So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something. http://tfl.nu/zx0n
  Replies (9) Good night (1155) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?

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  (305): Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference? http://tfl.nu/v6oa
  Replies (5) Good night (571) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

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  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (17131) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.

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  (651): You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with. http://tfl.nu/zaia
  Replies (4) Good night (871) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.

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  (931): Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever. http://tfl.nu/3e6h
  Replies (4) Good night (1351) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone

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  (630): At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone http://tfl.nu/tam4
  Replies (4) Good night (1002) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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  (586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2
  Replies (2) Good night (1687) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"

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  (248): My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues" http://tfl.nu/nel0
  Replies (5) Good night (824) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.

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  (603): It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders. http://tfl.nu/0knl
  Replies (3) Good night (1022) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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  (614): I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help. http://tfl.nu/rixg
  Replies (20) Good night (2479) Bad night (4971) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.

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  (360): Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song. http://tfl.nu/h927
  Replies (26) Good night (6132) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

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  (267): how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch? http://tfl.nu/7fe5
  Replies (16) Good night (4961) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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  (772): Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish http://tfl.nu/fyel
  Replies (9) Good night (2147) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.

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  (708): Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life. http://tfl.nu/mhw6
  Replies (14) Good night (2360) Bad night (622)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.

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  (814): I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer. http://tfl.nu/0v9r
  Replies (7) Good night (1385) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love

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  (360): she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love http://tfl.nu/d5q9
  Replies (22) Good night (2042) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.

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  (740): As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there. http://tfl.nu/knxy
  Replies (11) Good night (3273) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone

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  (262): put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone http://tfl.nu/kic6
  Replies (16) Good night (3520) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?

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  (971): Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life? http://tfl.nu/shks
  Replies (11) Good night (653) Bad night (2882) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

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  (519): If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes http://tfl.nu/ayyp
  Replies (29) Good night (3977) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

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  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
  Replies (7) Good night (4101) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either

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  (503): since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either http://tfl.nu/9xmp
  Replies (11) Good night (2290) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.

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  (206): Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life. http://tfl.nu/nb15
  Replies (12) Good night (2368) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.

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  (850): Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick. http://tfl.nu/uv5q
  Replies (6) Good night (1974) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  it is a toga and you are a goddess.

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  (615): In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted (1-615): it is a toga and you are a goddess. http://tfl.nu/2t04
  Replies (15) Good night (4687) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.

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  (206): In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/voq5
  Replies (18) Good night (2446) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training

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  (315): as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training http://tfl.nu/gwbi
  Replies (5) Good night (1518) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.

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  (412): He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car. http://tfl.nu/qdlm
  Replies (9) Good night (2014) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

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  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (1796) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.

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  (801): It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me. http://tfl.nu/14do
  Replies (5) Good night (1614) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  You are such a cockblock sometimes

  (661): View more from California

  You NEED a cockblock sometimes

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  (805): You are such a cockblock sometimes (661): You NEED a cockblock sometimes http://tfl.nu/zl8e
  Replies (10) Good night (4418) Bad night (825)