i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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