Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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