Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.

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  (919): We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad. http://tfl.nu/qk8s
  Replies (6) Good night (1147) Bad night (77) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.

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  (317): I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me. http://tfl.nu/xee4
  Replies (8) Good night (2300) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men

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  (787): He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men http://tfl.nu/yhmj
  Replies (13) Good night (2044) Bad night (3062) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  An artistic expression of her stupidity.

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  (919): what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding? (1-919): An artistic expression of her stupidity. http://tfl.nu/majp
  Replies (1) Good night (468) Bad night (104) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  There's a naked man in my car right now.

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  (903): There's a naked man in my car right now. http://tfl.nu/6qzb
  Replies (6) Good night (477) Bad night (146) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i might be a female sloth

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  (617): female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away (781): i think i might be a female sloth http://tfl.nu/d8fr
  Replies (5) Good night (1298) Bad night (93)
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  (408): View more from California

  i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still

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  (408): i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still http://tfl.nu/f9lt
  Replies (3) Good night (137) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas

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  (407): He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas http://tfl.nu/zvf4
  Replies (10) Good night (204) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.

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  (312): Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'. http://tfl.nu/60ox
  Replies (10) Good night (891) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.

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  (+61): He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it. http://tfl.nu/xk8c
  Replies (2) Good night (648) Bad night (106) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.

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  (775): That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed. http://tfl.nu/y3pb
  Replies (9) Good night (167) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.

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  (405): In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day. (405): I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me. http://tfl.nu/iy6i
  Replies (3) Good night (680) Bad night (283)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.

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  (801): Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment. http://tfl.nu/y6m4
  Replies (16) Good night (617) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs

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  (507): You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me (815): I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs http://tfl.nu/bc51
  Replies (2) Good night (1772) Bad night (240)
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  (562): View more from California

  WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?

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  (562): WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution? http://tfl.nu/1mlt
  Replies (55) Good night (781) Bad night (2236) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!

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  (912): Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles. (404): STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!! http://tfl.nu/hvx1
  Replies (18) Good night (2696) Bad night (358)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I fill condoms, not promises.

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  (812): I fill condoms, not promises. http://tfl.nu/fzpc
  Replies (4) Good night (1141) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it

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  (508): Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it http://tfl.nu/qcg9
  Replies (3) Good night (318) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text

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  (303): Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text http://tfl.nu/3l29
  Replies (9) Good night (441) Bad night (1434) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight

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  (208): God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight http://tfl.nu/fm83
  Replies (7) Good night (936) Bad night (125) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i've created a new STD.

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  (330): i've created a new STD. http://tfl.nu/t8hp
  Replies (8) Good night (220) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Actually, she's fat now, so...

  (817): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.

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  (817): He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but... (1-817): Actually, she's fat now, so... (817): Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson. http://tfl.nu/7993
  Replies (27) Good night (1716) Bad night (4879)