Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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Because bird is the word.
Just in case.
only in Oklahoma..
because aforementioned bird has STDs
because that's what you do when you're making ice cubes
Because the night before you made some more than questionable calls.
Fuck me I'm having informative text convos with my ex posing as a guy who she thinks is a cute cop that she would like to have a drink with ... Never tell this to anyone !!
Well, you must have done this often enough to worry them.
clearly they thought you were going to fuck the bird.
because clearly the bird wasn't into you