i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
