i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.