Cold hands, warm shart.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
