so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i dont even know how to be here
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.