Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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