They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?