I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
