Texts From Last Night

Beach_Boy's Favorites Texts:

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

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  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (11694) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.

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  (314): I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old. http://tfl.nu/qc6x
  Replies (19) Good night (418) Bad night (5330) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?

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  (631): Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"? http://tfl.nu/0zdv
  Replies (29) Good night (4910) Bad night (1431) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.

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  (818): I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/bcax
  Replies (8) Good night (2457) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Something like a penis light saber.

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  (313): They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary. (313): Something like a penis light saber. http://tfl.nu/96lm
  Replies (12) Good night (1792) Bad night (292)
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  (310): View more from California

  She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me

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  (310): She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me http://tfl.nu/yht9
  Replies (7) Good night (3178) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.

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  (201): i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so. http://tfl.nu/3zja
  Replies (58) Good night (3553) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.

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  (843): trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts. http://tfl.nu/p33l
  Replies (17) Good night (341) Bad night (1774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.

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  (612): Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment. http://tfl.nu/63yr
  Replies (11) Good night (3504) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.

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  (732): I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations. http://tfl.nu/j5w5
  Replies (48) Good night (4519) Bad night (1609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.

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  (727): i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened. (1-727): shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face. http://tfl.nu/dien
  Replies (13) Good night (4299) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

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  (847): Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called. http://tfl.nu/lgas
  Replies (21) Good night (2922) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.

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  (323): my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation. http://tfl.nu/m27j
  Replies (9) Good night (479) Bad night (3478)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.

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  (503): I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties. http://tfl.nu/xw7t
  Replies (9) Good night (4601) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Hey you

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?

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  (916): Hey you (732): You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up? http://tfl.nu/ejs0
  Replies (42) Good night (1986) Bad night (315)
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  (760): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.

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  (760): I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant. http://tfl.nu/boqw
  Replies (11) Good night (3802) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.

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  (620): He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/7tli
  Replies (20) Good night (3740) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

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  (218): i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me http://tfl.nu/gpjb
  Replies (19) Good night (977) Bad night (4811) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.

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  (250): I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk. http://tfl.nu/hrak
  Replies (4) Good night (2991) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.

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  (828): you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas. http://tfl.nu/fgpp
  Replies (10) Good night (5069) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.

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  (425): My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/7fga
  Replies (18) Good night (7360) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college

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  (314): Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college http://tfl.nu/eldf
  Replies (32) Good night (5461) Bad night (546)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.

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  (573): Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever. (573): I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that. http://tfl.nu/43y6
  Replies (22) Good night (4989) Bad night (353)
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  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

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  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.

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  (979): his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible. http://tfl.nu/lobz
  Replies (15) Good night (3733) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

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  (903): She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch". http://tfl.nu/00r2
  Replies (18) Good night (4934) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me

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  (323): Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me http://tfl.nu/3sp3
  Replies (13) Good night (4077) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.

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  (443): she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup. http://tfl.nu/y9af
  Replies (15) Good night (5193) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  you dont

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont

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  (732): shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples (1-732): you dont (732): i dont http://tfl.nu/v78w
  Replies (7) Good night (4304) Bad night (741)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick

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  (608): he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick http://tfl.nu/43v1
  Replies (17) Good night (5543) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.

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  (785): Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer. http://tfl.nu/7lxv
  Replies (15) Good night (5417) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.

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  (503): After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him. http://tfl.nu/iy8v
  Replies (18) Good night (4728) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!

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  (503): she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!! http://tfl.nu/wu20
  Replies (35) Good night (4837) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.

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  (503): I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon. http://tfl.nu/wp82
  Replies (49) Good night (5401) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.

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  (212): I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew. (503): Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word. http://tfl.nu/4en3
  Replies (26) Good night (5274) Bad night (412)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!

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  (503): i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly! http://tfl.nu/tm2j
  Replies (63) Good night (7754) Bad night (2951)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Marry him

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  (503): He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song. (1-503): Marry him http://tfl.nu/vquy
  Replies (39) Good night (8844) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.

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  (541): I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums. http://tfl.nu/gqon
  Replies (6) Good night (2780) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.

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  (541): he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'. http://tfl.nu/j3su
  Replies (11) Good night (3310) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.

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  (541): get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear. http://tfl.nu/nwnx
  Replies (19) Good night (3386) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room

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  (541): dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room http://tfl.nu/exa4
  Replies (15) Good night (3659) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.

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  (541): Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing. http://tfl.nu/0c84
  Replies (10) Good night (3696) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

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  (541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et
  Replies (7) Good night (4022) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.

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  (541): You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night. http://tfl.nu/2m2y
  Replies (6) Good night (4256) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?

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  (541): Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone? http://tfl.nu/1eib
  Replies (9) Good night (4885) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory

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  (541): we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory http://tfl.nu/4fuz
  Replies (59) Good night (5210) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed

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  (805): I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed http://tfl.nu/07h0
  Replies (14) Good night (2731) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.

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  (541): I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god. http://tfl.nu/ci1f
  Replies (10) Good night (5924) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

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  (541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys
  Replies (27) Good night (6469) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.

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  (541): at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard. http://tfl.nu/6ebl
  Replies (19) Good night (6667) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

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  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (6904) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  only in oregon

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  (541): at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking (1-541): only in oregon http://tfl.nu/1bea
  Replies (156) Good night (7067) Bad night (727)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

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  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (6689) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??

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  (405): This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine?? http://tfl.nu/98s1
  Replies (6) Good night (2083) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading

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  (480): I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading http://tfl.nu/eqt2
  Replies (8) Good night (1893) Bad night (619)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.

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  (704): Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer. http://tfl.nu/5883
  Replies (10) Good night (2721) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure

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  (248): Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure http://tfl.nu/x7gl
  Replies (10) Good night (1271) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.

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  (941): Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship. http://tfl.nu/y8rh
  Replies (21) Good night (5041) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt