Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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