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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
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