I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
