I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
