at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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