Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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