he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
