I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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