Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.