Texts From Last Night

nick52's Favorites Texts:

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  That reminds me...we need to get swords

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  (785): That reminds me...we need to get swords http://tfl.nu/9ivg
  Replies (15) Good night (6998) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

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  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8761) Bad night (1213)
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  (925): View more from California

  its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife

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  (925): its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife http://tfl.nu/e55k
  Replies (17) Good night (3844) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

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  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4609) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

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  (703): A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world http://tfl.nu/xi7q
  Replies (42) Good night (3049) Bad night (5102) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

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  (443): She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them. http://tfl.nu/jd8a
  Replies (21) Good night (8200) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.

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  (252): I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet. http://tfl.nu/v8co
  Replies (11) Good night (4824) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack

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  (631): Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack http://tfl.nu/plmg
  Replies (10) Good night (948) Bad night (3876) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

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  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (19377) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  Or a large amount of condoms?!?

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  (612): If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation. (1-612): Or a large amount of condoms?!? http://tfl.nu/muu8
  Replies (12) Good night (6270) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

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  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (25178) Bad night (1602)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

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  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8271) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

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  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8590) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.

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  (417): I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL. http://tfl.nu/srh0
  Replies (21) Good night (3681) Bad night (1434) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5039) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.

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  (302): I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn. http://tfl.nu/nwzi
  Replies (45) Good night (4776) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

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  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (27977) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

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  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36456) Bad night (4989)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

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  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8891) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

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  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7507) Bad night (987)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

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  (434): NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup. http://tfl.nu/qouj
  Replies (20) Good night (6582) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.

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  (469): Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work. http://tfl.nu/vgtk
  Replies (12) Good night (908) Bad night (4987) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

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  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7648) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.

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  (803): I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene. http://tfl.nu/fj0l
  Replies (38) Good night (6168) Bad night (1844) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27825) Bad night (1797) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.

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  (919): okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth. http://tfl.nu/6w2r
  Replies (26) Good night (1492) Bad night (7463) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25452) Bad night (1340)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

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  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (48) Good night (8644) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

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  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54906) Bad night (6414) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

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  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (46) Good night (19181) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

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  (516): sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it. http://tfl.nu/pgco
  Replies (13) Good night (6716) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

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  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7500) Bad night (72127)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

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  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (20261) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

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  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (61) Good night (26571) Bad night (1200)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.

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  (832): I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style. http://tfl.nu/zqa3
  Replies (8) Good night (5127) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

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  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (6189) Bad night (899)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

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  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
  Replies (12) Good night (5529) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

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  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (50) Good night (6524) Bad night (2066)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I can't believe he would be such an ass

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

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  (561): I can't believe he would be such an ass (1-561): Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything. http://tfl.nu/zk45
  Replies (7) Good night (4772) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25730) Bad night (4378)