What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
