a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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