Texts From Last Night

itsbeendone's Favorites Texts:

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (7112) Bad night (1602) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.

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  (412): I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door. http://tfl.nu/f9if
  Replies (9) Good night (4301) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.

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  (304): He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends. http://tfl.nu/db22
  Replies (7) Good night (987) Bad night (3273) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  He managed to light the Jello on fire...

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  (251): He managed to light the Jello on fire... http://tfl.nu/tu7i
  Replies (16) Good night (5698) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...

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  (231): I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name... http://tfl.nu/p31n
  Replies (9) Good night (4371) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

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  (617): Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant. http://tfl.nu/y6pb
  Replies (30) Good night (4080) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories

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  (973): my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories http://tfl.nu/tcvk
  Replies (7) Good night (2831) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

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  (310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9
  Replies (50) Good night (8873) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?

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  (636): Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later? http://tfl.nu/o4ww
  Replies (19) Good night (1149) Bad night (4525) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again

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  (757): it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again http://tfl.nu/q7wy
  Replies (29) Good night (5004) Bad night (1462) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

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  (815): I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse. http://tfl.nu/0lkw
  Replies (22) Good night (7891) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.

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  (619): There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back. http://tfl.nu/ap60
  Replies (27) Good night (6736) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5041) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.

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  (813): God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket. http://tfl.nu/pclq
  Replies (13) Good night (5759) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.

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  (414): I want to frame my negative pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/y335
  Replies (26) Good night (7134) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.

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  (440): We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate. http://tfl.nu/v1r2
  Replies (9) Good night (1505) Bad night (4185) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.

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  (919): my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now. http://tfl.nu/dua1
  Replies (19) Good night (4152) Bad night (1976)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

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  (248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit
  Replies (19) Good night (5025) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.

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  (207): so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable. http://tfl.nu/pqak
  Replies (16) Good night (5009) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory

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  (541): we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory http://tfl.nu/4fuz
  Replies (59) Good night (5375) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

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  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7649) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes

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  (260): Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes http://tfl.nu/dtzq
  Replies (47) Good night (3976) Bad night (1505) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.

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  (517): My own mom unfriended me on Facebook. http://tfl.nu/a468
  Replies (68) Good night (3735) Bad night (11291) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13053) Bad night (1834) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

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  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (20270) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

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  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (29632) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
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  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31472) Bad night (1286)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

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  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (30890) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40125) Bad night (1529)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51227) Bad night (2584) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

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  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65439) Bad night (3902) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80177) Bad night (4305) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.

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  (804): Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush. http://tfl.nu/5pf3
  Replies (13) Good night (5113) Bad night (1561) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

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  (918): i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/hs1z
  Replies (32) Good night (7288) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

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  (417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51
  Replies (10) Good night (5876) Bad night (715)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (13787) Bad night (1228)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.

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  (864): Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint. http://tfl.nu/at98
  Replies (14) Good night (4137) Bad night (674)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.

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  (612): I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children. http://tfl.nu/5wvk
  Replies (16) Good night (3127) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.

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  (412): I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/4998
  Replies (41) Good night (1186) Bad night (4271) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?

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  (225): How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention? http://tfl.nu/dhyh
  Replies (22) Good night (1258) Bad night (5085) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.

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  (484): No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions. http://tfl.nu/e8p3
  Replies (27) Good night (4829) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt