so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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