Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true