I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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