I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
