Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  What do you think it is?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

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  (214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4
  Replies (12) Good night (4874) Bad night (1440)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

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  (920): just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny http://tfl.nu/f2gi
  Replies (39) Good night (2047) Bad night (7156) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.

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  (847): I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face. http://tfl.nu/62jc
  Replies (11) Good night (3779) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

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  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (30) Good night (11880) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday

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  (703): My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday http://tfl.nu/7nrp
  Replies (4) Good night (2866) Bad night (570)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.

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  (248): Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police. http://tfl.nu/zopt
  Replies (9) Good night (1465) Bad night (4326) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

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  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10950) Bad night (781)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.

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  (864): We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use. http://tfl.nu/kk0h
  Replies (12) Good night (6660) Bad night (819)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

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  (732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy
  Replies (10) Good night (9497) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.

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  (252): just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far. http://tfl.nu/f1u5
  Replies (20) Good night (4018) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.

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  (773): Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night. http://tfl.nu/t8p9
  Replies (6) Good night (2907) Bad night (1532) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

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  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (55) Good night (15882) Bad night (1244)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.

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  (516): i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks. http://tfl.nu/yuy7
  Replies (12) Good night (1566) Bad night (4416) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

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  (303): wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil http://tfl.nu/oyvg
  Replies (19) Good night (8521) Bad night (1730) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

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  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12587) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time

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  (401): Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time http://tfl.nu/icsx
  Replies (15) Good night (3908) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts

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  (801): The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts http://tfl.nu/uckw
  Replies (10) Good night (1093) Bad night (2978) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

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  (646): I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot. http://tfl.nu/r2lr
  Replies (17) Good night (6220) Bad night (863)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.

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  (843): She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that. http://tfl.nu/vu87
  Replies (14) Good night (6932) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

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  (404): Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits. http://tfl.nu/2cej
  Replies (10) Good night (9505) Bad night (759)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok

  (850): View more from Florida

  They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good

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  (850): I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok (850): They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good http://tfl.nu/qtm7
  Replies (10) Good night (6198) Bad night (1474)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.

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  (484): I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting. http://tfl.nu/ejol
  Replies (15) Good night (5753) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
  Replies (55) Good night (21359) Bad night (1234) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness

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  (484): 5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness http://tfl.nu/vhep
  Replies (6) Good night (876) Bad night (3275) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.

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  (718): He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise. http://tfl.nu/c0nn
  Replies (11) Good night (2170) Bad night (4825) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

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  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10425) Bad night (1839) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

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  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (50) Good night (11091) Bad night (2382) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

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  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (20) Good night (6559) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10832) Bad night (1192)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy

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  (920): We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy http://tfl.nu/hjxb
  Replies (31) Good night (5433) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

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  (603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz
  Replies (36) Good night (4526) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it

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  (310): I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it http://tfl.nu/jugc
  Replies (8) Good night (1133) Bad night (3553) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

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  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14855) Bad night (1929) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch

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  (313): I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me (1-313): restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch http://tfl.nu/60qu
  Replies (10) Good night (839) Bad night (1753)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (43) Good night (7893) Bad night (2356) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.

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  (928): she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college. http://tfl.nu/99x7
  Replies (50) Good night (9132) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned

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  (970): my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned http://tfl.nu/3gli
  Replies (30) Good night (6165) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

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  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (41) Good night (2654) Bad night (9302) Order T-Shirt
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  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

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  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9428) Bad night (1807) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

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  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37097) Bad night (1382)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

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  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33411) Bad night (1284)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

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  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (6111) Bad night (694)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

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  (205): When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life' http://tfl.nu/863e
  Replies (26) Good night (6767) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt