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Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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