i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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