Texts From Last Night

mazzini's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito. http://tfl.nu/i4sd
  Replies (19) Good night (6357) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her http://tfl.nu/8ahn
  Replies (19) Good night (10951) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8531) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  a search helicopter?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): a search helicopter?! http://tfl.nu/5l8d
  Replies (25) Good night (5159) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/3lte
  Replies (18) Good night (7091) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.

  (352): View more from Florida

  And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye. (352): And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave. http://tfl.nu/f5gq
  Replies (8) Good night (4914) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22295) Bad night (1511)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (7290) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (10362) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
  Replies (31) Good night (10918) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters http://tfl.nu/8485
  Replies (83) Good night (11171) Bad night (1745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college http://tfl.nu/imp1
  Replies (22) Good night (1334) Bad night (5806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen.. http://tfl.nu/c7n8
  Replies (15) Good night (5232) Bad night (1323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/q010
  Replies (49) Good night (5946) Bad night (4495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.

  (555): View more from

  Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (555): She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome. (555): Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there. http://tfl.nu/h5mq
  Replies (13) Good night (3305) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships. http://tfl.nu/filq
  Replies (12) Good night (3726) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting. http://tfl.nu/txta
  Replies (28) Good night (1261) Bad night (3533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically. http://tfl.nu/2hl3
  Replies (33) Good night (3986) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning. http://tfl.nu/y7jt
  Replies (7) Good night (2135) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it. (1-405): i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. " http://tfl.nu/mvrv
  Replies (40) Good night (9558) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you. http://tfl.nu/fmxs
  Replies (38) Good night (7686) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (8099) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often. http://tfl.nu/3lpk
  Replies (40) Good night (5640) Bad night (1658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away http://tfl.nu/h2fc
  Replies (11) Good night (5158) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa http://tfl.nu/605l
  Replies (152) Good night (5671) Bad night (57195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7505) Bad night (72140)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (3961) Bad night (78184)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168254) Bad night (42158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173029) Bad night (6898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love. http://tfl.nu/wggk
  Replies (10) Good night (5953) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo. http://tfl.nu/rlno
  Replies (8) Good night (854) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/rxu2
  Replies (21) Good night (2609) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

  (917): View more from New York City

  this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

  (917): View more from New York City

  he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

  (718): View more from New York

  messed up. what color are the wings?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks (917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed (917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF? (718): messed up. what color are the wings? http://tfl.nu/7ui0
  Replies (11) Good night (2070) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together? http://tfl.nu/xjvt
  Replies (38) Good night (5750) Bad night (1547)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there. http://tfl.nu/8ypv
  Replies (24) Good night (3992) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This beer is not sobering me up at all http://tfl.nu/2fz8
  Replies (13) Good night (7562) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (17590) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week. http://tfl.nu/6l6t
  Replies (15) Good night (1490) Bad night (3599) Order T-Shirt