remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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