Texts From Last Night

kwinch's Favorites Texts:

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  (712): View more from Iowa

  when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face

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  (712): when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face http://tfl.nu/ax1i
  Replies (7) Good night (962) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys

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  (817): Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys http://tfl.nu/cvux
  Replies (1) Good night (977) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.

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  (303): Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/mbmy
  Replies (2) Good night (1256) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.

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  (309): We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously. http://tfl.nu/aavt
  Replies (6) Good night (1106) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.

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  (321): He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF. http://tfl.nu/s52i
  Replies (9) Good night (1285) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf

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  (250): dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf http://tfl.nu/yf3n
  Replies (7) Good night (2749) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas

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  (559): I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas http://tfl.nu/6rrb
  Replies (9) Good night (2081) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.

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  (570): Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal. http://tfl.nu/4lbo
  Replies (6) Good night (855) Bad night (1942) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

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  (814): where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ? http://tfl.nu/ejao
  Replies (8) Good night (2402) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

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  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5294) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.

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  (252): Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips. http://tfl.nu/vfz4
  Replies (6) Good night (1261) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.

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  (313): At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/fpxj
  Replies (4) Good night (1280) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.

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  (585): The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many. http://tfl.nu/e659
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.

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  (814): I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before. http://tfl.nu/yjkb
  Replies (2) Good night (981) Bad night (287)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.

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  (914): Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius. http://tfl.nu/p1hh
  Replies (10) Good night (1502) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.

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  (207): It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective. http://tfl.nu/0c9h
  Replies (6) Good night (1778) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.

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  (617): pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle. http://tfl.nu/r2o0
  Replies (3) Good night (2961) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

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  (405): I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step. http://tfl.nu/yq43
  Replies (14) Good night (4896) Bad night (1034)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands

  (845): View more from New York

  i made a dollar

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  (845): Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands (845): i made a dollar http://tfl.nu/0t5e
  Replies (7) Good night (3613) Bad night (1274)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13053) Bad night (1835) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.

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  (218): You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes. http://tfl.nu/x3hi
  Replies (8) Good night (1831) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"

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  (817): I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!" http://tfl.nu/bikn
  Replies (2) Good night (3328) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week

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  (603): there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week http://tfl.nu/fflq
  Replies (5) Good night (3019) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

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  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (11227) Bad night (926)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.

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  (+61): It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys. http://tfl.nu/j3cl
  Replies (6) Good night (482) Bad night (1726) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.

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  (210): I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them. http://tfl.nu/a4vh
  Replies (9) Good night (528) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.

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  (443): I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon. http://tfl.nu/q1re
  Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day

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  (251): my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day http://tfl.nu/3vt7
  Replies (8) Good night (1046) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  sounds about right

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  (215): judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend. (609): sounds about right http://tfl.nu/kfa3
  Replies (0) Good night (1177) Bad night (328)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.

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  (914): Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon. http://tfl.nu/php8
  Replies (11) Good night (1806) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.

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  (252): i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no. http://tfl.nu/99ae
  Replies (8) Good night (1692) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.

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  (817): Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence. http://tfl.nu/yx0o
  Replies (4) Good night (1882) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.

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  (731): He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver. http://tfl.nu/fyob
  Replies (8) Good night (1910) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

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  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (3821) Bad night (682)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".

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  (617): my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl". http://tfl.nu/voy6
  Replies (12) Good night (5480) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.

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  (307): Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids. http://tfl.nu/60tn
  Replies (15) Good night (3046) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Apparently you can coat check a keg.

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  (240): Apparently you can coat check a keg. http://tfl.nu/sdmi
  Replies (4) Good night (1904) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.

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  (954): thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much. http://tfl.nu/ll22
  Replies (27) Good night (7387) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
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  (+45): View more from Denmark

  Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.

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  (+45): Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired. http://tfl.nu/rbaa
  Replies (9) Good night (4914) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's thinking positively..

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  (717): I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012 (1-717): That's thinking positively.. http://tfl.nu/r4se
  Replies (3) Good night (1637) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.

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  (218): I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble. http://tfl.nu/uwsi
  Replies (6) Good night (3208) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...

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  (352): I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection... http://tfl.nu/jbgn
  Replies (20) Good night (1732) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.

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  (701): Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man. http://tfl.nu/tr3t
  Replies (7) Good night (2940) Bad night (347)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night

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  (603): Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night http://tfl.nu/dak1
  Replies (9) Good night (1597) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless

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  (775): He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless http://tfl.nu/uuhp
  Replies (18) Good night (3733) Bad night (449)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.

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  (309): Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/9na7
  Replies (1) Good night (981) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  We're going to catch a squirrel this summer

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  (402): We're going to catch a squirrel this summer http://tfl.nu/ykra
  Replies (9) Good night (1529) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess

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  (908): I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess http://tfl.nu/xjsr
  Replies (3) Good night (2123) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt