Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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