Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
